Maria Turns 70

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As your next birthday arrives, you were, are, and will always be a special influence in spirit and a role model in how to live life to the fullest.  Thinking of you as I often do, your love of creativity brought me to write the following poem to you in honor of your calendar birthdate and every day.

The meaning of being special is in a person like you,

A friend who is beyond thoughtful in everything you do.

A person who betters other’s lives,

A person who touches the heart in unique and special ways.

You’re a person who always gave to others,

Willing to help someone any way you could.

A special friend I was lucky and fortunate to have,

I found in you, with you as special as special could be.

You were, are, and will always be that special blessing,

A true friend, who could not and will not be replaced, and never forgotten.

You hugs brought sincerity in warmth, support and guidance.  Your smile lit up the room.  Your humor, something maybe not everyone knew, was funny, timely, and contagious.  Your voice, oh my, was a voice of an angel, and your singing interpretations moved the human spirit like no other.

It truly feels like we just visited recently, eating great food you personally made.  

It truly feels like we just completed a choir music rehearsal where you learned a beautiful solo.

It truly feels like you again gave me advice not asked for and I miss your advice now.

It truly feels like you, Howard and I, were relaxing and laughing at Ariel’s antics.

As your 70th approaches, you deserved more decades to continue your impact. You’ve left an unbelievable legacy with your special life partner, my special friend, and amazing children you helped position to let them soar, and grandchildren to carry on your wants and how to. 

Dearest Maria, party hard for your 70th and beyond.  I miss you dearly.  I love you my special friend.  

Love to you always,

Your friend for life, Jerry

P.S.  Did I tell you I miss you.  

My name is Jane Rhodes and my husband, Jeff, and l have been friends of Maria and Howard for over 40 years. We met in the early 1970's when we were all in our 20's, hippies, and figuring out who we would become.

I am lucky to have had a friendship with Maria that lasted through the decades, through thick and thin, through life's curve balls, and through raising our children who have now given us grandchildren. She was nurturing, encouraging, and always available to friends. I could call her up late in the day to ask her to baby sit my two rambunctious boys and she always said yes. She encouraged and supported her family and friends to do those things that they were passionate about. At one point in my life I wanted to be a midwife; she gifted me a midwife bag full of things needed for a home birth and then included me when she gave birth to both Asher and Lily.

Her perseverance in healing from her traumatic and difficult past was amazing and admirable and led her to become a gifted therapist. She was accomplished at so many things. When l first met her, she and Howard would come to my house and play the guitar and sing folk songs. Her incredible voice allowed her to sing in classical choral groups, churches, and synagogues. She painted, designed and fabricated stainedglass (here at Temple Beth El as well as in my home) and was a writer. She was an amazing cook and for a time quite the cake decorator. She was a seamstress of not only clothing but Chuppahs and other ceremonial items. She was a voracious reader getting through hundreds of books a year. And she did all this while being a loving and dedicated wife, raising a family, being a caregiver to her Grandmother and others who needed her, and a voice in the community for those who could not fight for themselves.

She loved her family more than anything and was so very proud of her three children, Moana, Asher, and Lily. It feels like the Stolz's and the Rhodes' are sort of one big family. We have been intertwined for years and even though we didn't see each other very often after our kids left home and Maria and Howard moved to Minnesota, each time we would get together it was as if nothing had changed and we were home. Our children banter like siblings and our grandchildren are all the cutest and smartest on the planet.

Maria, many, many years ago, started calling me Janiekins. It came out of nowhere when she first said it and it made me cry then as it does now because only my father used that name with me and it always meant that I am truly loved. I love you too, Maria.

Dear Howard,

I first met Maria in my office in the English Department of Santa Rosa Junior College, overhearing her discussing, very intelligently a paper she had written for the class of my office mate. Her lively mind impressed me. Shortly afterward My wife, Nancy, and I overheard Maria playing her guitar and singing a folk song at a college party. Another little event to impress me, this time with her lovely music. Not long after that Maria became a friend of our family, generous with her loving regard four our five children. Soon after the beginning of our friendship we heard from Maria about a guy named Howard, and we were very much aware that the two had quickly fallen in love. We could hardly have known what a deep and lasting love it would turn out to be.

Nancy and I moved with our children to Minnesota, and Maria and Howard visited us there more than once. They may have ventured out onto the clear ice of a frozen lake for the first time when they were with us for Thanksgiving. Maria’s talents continued to blossom. She gave us a beautiful stained glass piece that we hung in a window looking out over Kabekona Lake. She made us a beautiful quilt. And then Maria and Howard moved to Minnesota. Maria Missed her beloved home in Santa Cruz, and she put her writing talent to work in her fascinating column for a local newspaper, “Musings of a Transplant.”

Missing Maria as we do, Nancy and I are grateful for that friendship that began nearly fifty years ago. There never was a more kind, affectionate, generous, loyal friend than Maria, and never a more loving and devoted couple than Maria and Howard.

Bill and Nancy Booth

Bemidji, Minnesota

April 24, 2017 

Dear Howard, 

This letter to you had taken me many, many takes before I could make it just right.
 

First, it goes without saying how shocked, sadden and mortified I was to hear of Maria’s passing. I have been recovering from serious emergency brain surgery I had on December 21, 2016, my 63rd birthday. Now I am beginning my fourth month as a healthy woman. Therefore, I was not in-tune and part of the “choir grapevine” for several months. 

When I heard about Maria’s passing, my instant thoughts were: What more can this remarkable woman handle? Her tumultuous upbringing, her childhood abuses and nightmares, back surgery, and very serious brain surgery, which left her partially deaf. If there was more, I did not know.
 

I know Sheldon and I have been “close,” with you, but yet not “close” enough. Only recently I discovered that you and Maria were part of an Adath Chavurah with others, including my friends Bob and Bobbi Aronson. 

When I think about Maria, I think about her superlative vocal and musical skills and G-d given talents. I think about the friendship I shared with her (and you — and will continue to do so!) 

I think about our “choir” journey together — from when I first met her early one rehearsal evening many years ago, when she was first auditioning and then stayed on to observe the choir. I loved interviewing her (my habit as a professional journalist – not knowing anything about her, but could see that she was definitely not of the usual ethnic origin – and I was very curious.) 

Jerry somehow rescued her from my friendly curious clutches (but truly heartfelt desire) to learn more about this unusual woman who was so intent on joining the Adath choir. Clearly, Maria was eager to tell me more about herself — and, learn something about me!)
 

I loved how interested she was in liturgical music (of multiple faiths) and also the delicate and fine-tuned artistic skills she delved in to (such as stained glass art.) 

And, I am proud to own a beautiful pair of hand-knit socks she made for me following my wrist surgery two years ago. I will treasure them always. I do not know how many other artistic tricks and talents she had — but one thing is for sure, she was ultimately highly talented in a spectrum of areas. 

I loved hand crocheting a cozy, warm, soft afghan for her when she was recuperating from her major back surgery. (To me, that is like making “Jewish chicken soup to heal the sick” ... and it lasts forever.) 

Maria fascinated me. She told me about her conversion, you, your children together, and journey moving to Howard Lake. She also wondered where to buy Shabbat candles. I told her, but immediately went and gifted her with what I think was one year’s worth. She knew where to purchase them ever since. 

We became choir buddies — I was enamored by her voice and how she (obviously leapt to solo status. “Wow” I said to her. “You are DEFINITELY needed by the choir.) 

Her professionalism and knowledge of the musical language and liturgical lingo indeed impressed me. 

There was never a rehearsal where her depth and breadth of the task at hand to master timing, a word, a phrase, a P, mp, mf, F – you name it, was so clearly obvious and volunteered with utmost professionalism. 

She taught the choir so much with her vocal instrument, professionalism and patience.
 

I know she has many other legacies. 

In spite (literally) of her so-called “upbringing” – she chose to pursue advance educational degrees in psychology and family therapy to help others who suffered so many of the physical, emotional abuse she herself had suffered and cruelly absorbed. Her many scars went far beyond her own searing pain, yet she was able to overcome them, using them as stepping stones to fight off demons that plagued her and now haunted others. Maria was vowed and determined to end this unspeakable evil for all. 

Once we (Sheldon and I) got to know her and you, that was the start of a blooming friendship which I wish had developed more. We loved having you at our home for dinner, and also for our chance to discuss her book with both of you, at length.
 

I did not know you were already part of an existing Adath Chavurah. (Meanwhile, ours dwindled and how much we would have loved joining yours!)
 

This afternoon, I am preparing our choral book for our upcoming Adath choir recording of some of the Erev Shabbat and High Holiday “Top Ten,” if you will. 

I do know that entering that Choir Rehearsal room will hit me with a painful stab to the heart, knowing that Maria will not be there. 

I do know her spirit will be with us. 

I know I will miss her on many levels – on a light side note, she was the one who kept the soprano group “in pitch” and on target with “timing.” Good heavens, what will we do now?
 

Howard, Maria’s courage, soul and driving spirit will always remain an illuminating beacon in my heart. 

How any one person could grow and develop in to such an inspirational devoted and loving wife, mother, talented, positive, artistic, and empathetic soul — beautiful (inside and out), in spite of great odds early on in her upbringing — is beyond human comprehension.
 

During this choir recording, we will deeply and sorely miss our divinely talented friend, Maria. 

We will miss her forever. Our hearts join with your in praising her to the highest. 

She endured so much; and she gave so much to so many, to family, to friends, and to her profession.
 

May her blessing be the most lyrical and melodically beautiful blessing ever. We will always hear her voice. I will always feel her beautiful strong spirit. 

With much love, 

Melissa and Sheldon